Never told
by Roza Chameleon Redbird
Summary: Rachel's reaction to Cam running away.


**A/N: I have nothing to say… but I hope you like this

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My heels lightly clicked against marble floor as a made my way to my office. Today was the final day of classes, and I was relieved. Now Cam could be safe from the C.O.C. with me. I didn't tell her but we were spending this vacation back in D.C. Honestly, I was looking forward to it.

Why you might ask?

Because as I heard Cam jump off that cliff a few weeks ago I noticed that I didn't know this girl, no this woman, anymore. Sure I might know what she had for breakfast and her best subjects but I didn't know _her._ She was completely different then how I remembered her; she was no longer a grief driven little girl who clung to my every word. She openly defied and held on to her beliefs.

A slight swish of paper on my right caught my attention. Turning to it I saw a small notebook, no larger than the one the girls had taken from sublevel 2. It was brown with gold writing. Walking closer my eyes scoped in onto the writing.

Then…

My heart stopped,

My breath hitched,

For the first time since that faithful night years ago, I knew I wouldn't be able to fight off any attackers if they came at me.

She was gone. My girl was gone. Usually, I would have been proud that she got out of the school alone but not now; not when she was the most sought after girl in the world.

Fear riveted around my heart as I finished the walk to my office. I barely noticed when my door clicked shut behind me or when I sat down. My thoughts only circled around my only daughter. The daughter who would risk her life for the ones she loved. Guilt poured through my veins. How? How could I not see this coming? How could I have not stopped this? Why did she have to be the one to face this? Was it fair?

I snorted. Of course it was not fair, this life was never fair. That was why I didn't want her in my world. The world that people died in, the world where its people had to choose between saving a sister or a friend, the world where you had to lie in order to survive. Back in the days before Mat went missing, we had toyed with the idea of sending her to a normal school. So that she could be normal. I snorted again, like that was ever possible. I couldn't imagine Cam as anything but a spy. She would have never been a teacher or a doctor.

But now she was out there all by herself, trying to survive, just so she could end a century old feud. Oh dear god, she was out there by herself. With no one. Not even her friends. Tears slowly descended my face. There were so many things I didn't tell her. Things that could save her life. Now I might never get the chance to. I could imagine Cam's body mauled and abused as her life drained out of her eyes. The flesh turning sickly green because of poison; or her dying in my arms as a shot penetrated her aorta. Many scenes passed through my eyes as I sat there crying.

My hand clumsily felt around my desk for a phone, knocking over everything in its path. Finally, I found it.

Calling a number I knew by heart my broken voice choked out, "Abby… she… like…Mat… gone."

On the other side of the line I heard her swear and say she couldn't take the mission. "Hold on Rache I'll be there in an hour."

"Abby… I never… told her." My mind couldn't help thinking I never _would. _

Softly she whispered, "I know. But you'll get to. I promise." Even if I didn't know her, I would have been able to tell that her voice was hollow and that she didn't believe her own words.

I curled up into a ball and cradled my head in my hands, "Do you think… she'll _live_?"

No answer returned.

The déjà vu overcame me. I remembered years ago how I sat in a seat just like this with the Joe telling me that Mat left without him, to take on the same guys my daughter now was. I remember the gripping pain in my heart that _told _me I would never see my husband again. I felt the same pain again.

The worst part was that I would never tell her.

That she was Mat's daughter, not mine.

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**R**

**E**

**V**

**I**

**E**

**W**

**!**


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